The Diary of Cynthia Vortex
by Cutie5
Summary: There's more behind Jimmy and Cindy's relationship than we actually see. Who says you can't be serious about love when you're 13?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Jimmy Neutron.

_April 29, 2006_

_Dear Diary,_

_I can't believe I'm thirteen years old already. It only seems like yesterday that Jimmy and I were on our first date. We've been a couple for one whole year already, much to my mother's dismay. She **hates** seeing us together._

"_You could do so much better," she'll tell me… "Why aren't you dating that new, wealthy boy that just moved in next door to us?" she'll ask. _

_She doesn't even understand how I feel about him. He's the only one that makes me happy…the only one that makes my life worth living. _

_The other day, we had our first romantic encounter in weeks. It was a typical exploration on that same island we had become stranded on a few years ago—why, I haven't a clue. It wasn't exactly a 'date', but it wasn't all business either. I was wearing one of the few two-piece swimsuits I owned underneath my usual halter and pants. Jimmy was unfortunately, in his regular clothes. He wasn't in any mood for swimming, much less getting a tan—originally we were there for research purposes only. He wanted to know what other kinds of life existed on the island, mainly due to the fact that there were many extinct animals that as we knew of throughout the world, are gone. And because the island has not been claimed or even known to anyone but Jimmy and my other friends, it was fair game to say that anything could be on the island, other than what we've already seen._

_After what seemed like hours of searching, Jimmy wasn't able to find anything different about this island that any other well-known island didn't already have. I started wondering why I even went with him at that point, considering that we accomplished absolutely nothing except for the fact that I was bored out of my mind searching for what I never really felt existed. But that was Jimmy for you—he was always determined to find whatever he came to find, whether it be a planet or an uncharted island. I decided that I would accomplish my one goal of having one of the best tans ever, so I grabbed a towel out of the hovercar, placing it under a nearby palm tree overlooking the ocean. There was nothing else like it in the world—fresh, warm air, a clear sky, and miles of scenery to take in, all within my reach. Oh, how I wish Libby could have been with me to see it all._

_Jimmy and I had another one of our usual fights that afternoon. I had only been in the sun for five minutes when he was blocking my view of it, saying that we should still be looking for anything unusual. It's an island for crying out loud—there wasn't anything unusual than what we already saw. The bickering resumed with how Jimmy felt I never took his explorations serious enough—that I always put fun before work. He didn't seem to realize that he was always putting work before play—it was the weekend, after all and we were not assigned this by our science teacher. He found more ways to screw up a perfectly decent weekend than anyone else I knew, and over the years it still never ceases to amaze me as to how annoying that is._

_This continued back and forth until the sun began to set overhead. That's when the magical moment occurred. I was angrily picking my things up and throwing them into the hovercraft so we could head home, when he noticed me—not noticing as in, my presence, but noticing as in totally checking me out! He was eying my two-piece that I happened to be wearing, which I found to be totally adorable. And what was even more surprising was that he told me I looked cute in it—Jimmy Neutron actually told me of all people that I looked cute!_

_He then apologized to me for having acted like a jerk and ruining my day…which immediately made me feel guilty because it was more his day than mine. I also came to the realization that there were times I never took the things he wanted to do very seriously, and I ended up apologizing for my behavior as well. He then asked me if I wanted to stay with him to watch the sun set—just like we had when we were stranded several years before. You know I had to say yes to that, and I was so glad I did. Once we set the towel back on the sand, we scooted really close to each other and he held my hand! I felt tingly all over. A few minutes later, I felt him put his arm around my waist, which was something he hadn't done in awhile…the last time I even remember him doing that was oh, so long ago, at the last movie we had went to see at the theater._

_The best part of the night was when he looked into my eyes and told me that he 'thinks he might be in love with me'. This came out of the blue—for no reason whatsoever, Jimmy almost confesses the three words I have desperately wanted to hear come out of his mouth…but thinking you're in love with someone and actually being in love are two different things. I can only hope that one day, he will actually just come out and tell me…but then again I've always came close to telling him how I felt when something always seemed to get in the way._

_That wasn't all that happened though. It's rare when Jimmy and I are alone, sharing our feelings, but even rarer when Jimmy starts telling me some of the sweetest things any boy has ever shared with me in my life. I will only share one of them in my diary, however, seeing as how my mother tries to get a hold of this to read what's going on in my life sometimes when I'm not looking. Besides that, there are just some things you shouldn't write down anyway—if this diary were to fall into anyone else's hands besides my mother's, who knows what might occur?_

_Basically, one of the sweetest things he told me was about my skin. When he was rubbing my arms to keep me warm he told me that I didn't even really need a tan to look nice—my skin was already perfect. I giggled at the thought of this, when he looked into my eyes and I looked into his. We shared one of the most romantic kisses one could ever imagine that night. I really hope my mother doesn't read this part…but we didn't just share one kiss that night. We were kind of…sort of…making out. But believe me…it wasn't anything like those passionate romantic scenes you'd watch on a soap opera—nothing like that. I can't even get into that—at least, not now anyway. Jimmy and I had always wanted to know what it would be like, and he actually **knew **how to kiss me. _

I guess these are some of the reasons why I like him so much…he's not perverted and stuck up like other boys. He's too logical for that, I would think anyway, being a genius and all. Jimmy has a kind heart, and when he's not acting like the big-headed jerk he can be at times, he can be very romantic, loving, and caring.

_Ooh! My phone is ringing—it's Jimmy! He said he'd call me the second he was finished in the lab—I can't believe he actually remembered to, for once._


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Jimmy Neutron.

_May 1, 2006_

_Dear Diary,_

_I **HATE** my mother with a burning vengeance more powerful than the forces of nature!_

_I was way past my curfew because of a stargazing expedition I was on with Jimmy, Libby, and Sheen. Carl, for some reason, wasn't able to make it—strep throat. That's one of the hugest epidemics of our whole middle school right now. Nick came down with a late season flu that spread to nearly everyone I knew. Jimmy had it a few days ago, and then I caught it from him when we were kissing the other night. Libby then caught it from me when we were working on a school project, and then it was passed onto Sheen…well, you get the picture._

_But anyway, tonight was beyond romantic. Sheen and Libby were off in their own little corner smooching (they're not huge fans of the outdoors), while Jimmy and I were sitting on top of a large hill in the park that had an absolutely amazing view of the town. I was extremely excited because Jimmy wanted to show me one of my favorite, all-time constellations, Coma Berenices, or Berenice's Hair. I've always read about this in books or on the internet, but I've never been able to see it up close until that night. _

_The story behind this constellation is even more interesting. An astronomer named _**_Tycho Brahe_**_ in the late 16th century referred this constellation to a classic story regarding the hair of Berenice, wife of King Ptolemy III of Egypt. The story involved the heroic return of the king from war and his loving wife cutting off her beautiful long tresses in his honor. They were given to Aphrodite as a gift and laid upon an altar in the Temple. The locks became missing from the altar upon which they were laid, when the court astronomer Conon of Samos saved the day by proclaiming that Aphrodite had accepted the hair as a gift and had placed the lovely tresses in the heavens next to Leo, the Lion._

_This anecdote not only set the mood for viewing the constellation and the particular month it is featured, but set the mood for something more. Jimmy had brought his telescope with him so that he could get me an up-close view of the cluster of stars, especially since this constellation could be best viewed with one. He showed me how to set it up and set the approximate coordinates for where the stars would be located, and then let me look into the telescope. The sight was so beautiful…even though it wasn't as big as some of the other ones I've seen, I could truly understand why it was so special. I purposely wore my hair down for the occasion…something I rarely had done. I guess I wanted to feel as beautiful as Berenice, even though I never felt pretty. My mother, for one, never ever says that I am…and Jimmy rarely ever says it, even though sometimes his body language might._

_As I was looking through the telescope, Jimmy would put his arms around me as he was showing me all of its features. He even showed me a few other constellations before we ended up sitting back down on the ground to cuddle. I loved cuddling—not only was it romantic, but it was always so…innocent. When Jimmy was holding me, he made me feel so safe…he made me feel wanted. That's all I'll ever need._

_We talked a little about what we would do once school was out—he wants to take me and our other friends on another intergalactic voyage. I immediately agreed due to the fact that my mother was a pain in my backside on the one hand, and on the other, Retroville had little or nothing to do when it came to summertime activities—you can only visit the Candy Bar or the mall so many times before it gets boring. I need to get away for awhile. _

_We also started talking about our relationship—I think he wants to be my steady, but I'm not sure yet. He even told me he wants to spend a lot more time with me, especially this summer. I can't wait! That is, if we are able to spend any time at all after what happened with my mother. I'll explain that later._

_My official thirteenth birthday is coming up in June, as well. I know, I know—in my last entry I sort-of lied a bit. I'm becoming even more envious about being a teenager. Jimmy already had his birthday a few months ago, and although he's had a few small growth spurts in the last year or so, his voice still hasn't changed yet. But then again, maybe I didn't want his voice to change…or for us to become older. But time makes you older, experience makes you wiser, and change is destined to happen, whether we want all these things to occur or not. I did know that I wanted to be with Jimmy, even though my future is very inevitable—he may turn out to be the **one** I want to be with, he may not. No matter what the circumstance, I want to spend as much time with my friends as possible so that I will always have the memories—something to look back on._

_Anyhow, back to what happened. Jimmy and I were cuddling—he had his arm around me and we were really close to each other. He ran a hand through my hair and told me it felt like silk... That gave me the shivers. I knew Jimmy wasn't always that good at showing affection, much less an Einstein when it came to saying something romantic. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that no one had ever said that about my hair before, much less about my appearance. Jimmy's the only one that makes me feel pretty. _

_But then again, I have self-esteem issues. I've had them my whole life. Mom always tells me I'm not pretty enough, or smart enough. That's why she has me involved in so many martial arts classes and after school academic activities—she thinks I'll be able to lose weight and increase my intellectual capacity for knowledge. I'm just never good enough for her...no matter what I do I won't live up to her standards._

_I think what caused me to lose track of time was the fact that Jimmy and I were in the moment as usual. He started kissing me after he complimented my hair…and just like the other night, we were making out again. I know I said it a few days ago, but one of my most favorite things about dating Jimmy was when we got to kiss…feeling his warm lips pressed against mine while holding me in his arms. And once my senses were filled with the taste of his kiss and the soft smelling cologne he sometimes wore, I couldn't—didn't—want to pull away. My curfew didn't mean anything to me then._

_When we were finally able to pull away, he took me home in his hovercar the long way so we could cuddle some more… _

_How that all changed when Jimmy dropped me off inside my window—not only did she catch him kissing me goodnight, but she was waiting for me in my room! She went into a ten-minute rant about how I've spent more than my fair share of time with Jimmy. She still hates him with a passion—ever since the day he moved in 4 years ago she's hated him only because he's smarter than me. There's so many more redeeming qualities to him that she refuses to even notice! _

_I started to cry when she informed me that I had to break up with Jimmy, and when I asked her why, she ignored me, naturally, and went into lock-down mode. She's grounded me for a whole month—and for what! I was only 20 minutes late at the most, and I didn't even know I was late until after I came into my room to see my mother standing there. That was all it took. She regrets ignoring the fact that the neighbors were talking about us. She **really regrets** even attempting to tolerate our relationship._

_I'm still crying as I write this part of my entry—my mother's been unfair in the past, but nothing like this. I didn't mean to be late. We were just having a little fun, and it was educational. And Jimmy cares about me—he would never do anything to hurt me._

_I don't even know what I'm going to tell him tomorrow…_


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Jimmy Neutron.

_May 4, 2006_

_Dear Diary,_

_It's been a rough couple of days. I told Jimmy about what happened the other night at home, and we ended up getting into a huge fight. He now thinks that I've been using him for the past year…that this is a ploy by my mother to get into his brain and figure out how he ticks so that I can become better than him. I'm not that person anymore! I only pretended to hate him when I was younger because I liked him… I've always wanted to be with Jimmy! _

I was crying at my locker when Jimmy found me. We went some place where we could be alone, and when he asked me what was wrong, I told him I was worried of what his reaction would be. Jimmy wrapped his arms around me, promising me that he wouldn't be upset. Then again, you don't want to tell Jimmy any kind of bad news, be it life-threatening or otherwise, when he's in a 'good mood'.

"_I care about you, Cin. Please don't cry." He said. "When have I ever become angry with you over something bad?"_

"_Just a few hundred times…"_

_And then he smiled that smile he only saved for me and gave me a squeeze, as if I was joking. It was true though—he could become angry very easily at times._

_He kept telling me all these sweet and caring things while he was holding me…and I fell for every single one of them because I was hoping he'd maybe, possibly, take my side on the issue. Usually if I just got grounded or something he'd brush it off, but something as serious as not being able to see him—that was a different story._

_Out ofall my weaknesses, he used the one that would practically surrender me to his command each and every time. "Just tell me what's wrong," he whispered in a low voice as he leaned to kiss me, "I won't get upset… I promise." _

_He gave me a kiss only a god could bestow. All those kissing books I noticed him reading a few years ago most definitely paid off. For a thirteen year old, Jimmy was the best kisser EVER._

_But the question still looms over me like a dark rain cloud: Why did I believe him! He's said that before, and I've never really believed him until that moment. And if he hadn't kissed me I wouldn't have succumbed to telling him the incident at home that started the argument between us in the first place! _

_But then again, the whole argument was stupid. After I told Jimmy about the situation, he just blew up at me—literally. When I told him my mother was forcing us to break up, he started with the accusations. I defended myself with all the facts placed before him, but no matter how hard I tried, Neutron believed and still believes that I was taking advantage of him. I did my best to calm Jimmy down—I tried to rationalize the circumstances with him. He wouldn't listen. He started asking me if I really wanted to spend more time with him or if I was just making it up, and before he would even let me answer he was all like, "I didn't think so," and just angrily turned away from me. _

_Then I told him that the neighbors didn't approve of us dating, which only annoyed him even further. He started shooting off at me! _

"_Well, Vortex, if your mom and the whole town is ashamed of you dating me, then why do you spend so much time around me!"_

_As if he didn't know—**he** was the one that asked me out two years ago. **He** was the one that told me last year he wanted to become more than my friend. **He** was the one who nearly confessed his love to me. And furthermore, **he** was the one who gave me my first kiss! Jimmy initiated all of these acts—not me! Why? Maybe because I was nervous, or scared…maybe that was it. I don't know! All I know is that Jimmy was the one that wanted to be with me, and neither of us cared what anyone thought—we just wanted to be happy._

_It got to a point to where I didn't want to quarrel with him anymore. My heart was already breaking as he continued to yell at me about our relationship. If he asked me a yes no question dealing with whether or not I cared for him, liked him, took advantage of him, etc, I wouldn't even bother answering. I just let the river full of tears that were locked inside of my eyes leak out, only this time, Jimmy didn't care. He thought I was faking it._

_Jimmy broke up with me. He doesn't want to see or talk to me, much less give me the time of day. He had to tell me he hated me as he stormed off…the icing on the cake. The one word that used to make me spit fire two years ago emotionally destroyed me now. I slinked down onto the floor and balled for at least a half hour until my best friend Libby saw me._

_I told her everything that happened, and she did what she could to console me. She's extremely upset that Jimmy would act this way…we both know he hates my mother. Who wouldn't? She only associates with the wealthiest of movers and shakers and wants me to do the same, because 'brainpower is important, but knowing the right kinds of people will get you further in life.' But even still, Jimmy would only blow up at me if it was a life or death situation, or I had accidentally messed with one of his inventions in his lab. He rarely ever blew up at me over parental issues, except for today, and one other time a few weeks ago. Even then, he didn't just break up with me._

_Something might be wrong, but nothing matters at all anymore. Jimmy's seriously ruined things between us…and it will take awhile for him to gain my trust and my love back, unless he were to do something that would be grovel-worthy. Libby had a talk with him the next day, but it didn't really do much good. She ended up calling him a jerk and punching him in the gut when he wouldn't listen to her. _

_I feel like I just want to end my life—what's the point of living when you have a mother and the only boy of your dreams hate your guts just because you exist? _

_I have a way of pretending to make myself sick—I rarely ever use it, but I just KNOW I will tomorrow. I can't face Jimmy at school tomorrow. I don't want to._


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Jimmy Neutron.

_May 14, 2006_

_Dear Diary,_

_In two weeks, I'll be out of school. There's an end of the year dance coming up soon…and not a soul has asked me. My "ex" still won't even look at me and we've went back to becoming rivals. We've also taken up our fighting over the same things we fought about two years ago in the fifth grade, and I absolutely hate it. I don't want to fight Jimmy…_

_I miss holding his hand, kissing him, cuddling… More than anything, I miss just **being** with him. I love him. _

Because I'm still grounded, Libby went out and bought me something at the mall. She found this really tight-fitting dress for me that looks absolutely gorgeous…it's black, strapless and short. She has this surefire plan that will get Jimmy and I back together by having us 'accidentally' bump into each other at the dance, but I really don't feel like going at all. I rarely ever wore anything that showed off my curves, but I remembered the time I was trying to impress him on Mars. Libby wouldn't let me forget how many times he checked me out with that space suit and all that makeup I wore. I seriously didn't think that trick would work again, since he hated me now. Not that I blame him for hating me, because I hate my mother and myself.

_But no matter how self-conscious I've become over the last few weeks, my best friend won't stand for it. "The only way you're going to be happy is if you're with Jimmy. You need him, and he needs you."_

_  
I hate it when she's right—I do need my boyfriend. Libby alone couldn't fill the empty void I was feeling. She filled a large space in my life as my friend…I don't have many girlfriends at all, and if it wasn't for her support during all the trying times I've had at home and with Jimmy, I might have done something I'd regret. However, Jimmy was my other half…my rational half, my romantic half. He was everything: smart, cute, romantic, sweet, gentle… _

_Maybe I do want to go to that dance after-all. It was just a matter of sneaking past my mother to do it that would be the hard thing…The more I think about wearing my hair down, wearing makeup, and even getting to dress up DEFINITELY makes me want to attempt to go after Jimmy. There's this photographer who goes to every dance and takes the best pictures of some of the school's couples. Even the backgrounds are absolutely **gorgeous**. Oh, how I'd love it if Jimmy would get his picture taken with me…his arm wrapped around my waist…our faces practically touching each other… I'd be the happiest girl in the world._

_I only had one other picture of us from a dance we attended in fifth grade, and a picture of us on an island trip we took later that summer, but those were 2 years old. We needed a more recent picture together. Heck, I'd even buy the most expensive photo package there is—I've got the money. Money didn't even mean anything to me…seeing as how Jimmy's family had so little of it so that he could have his lab… The only other thing that makes him happy other than his friends has to be his never-ending quest towards making the world a better place with his inventions…most of which still, to this day, rarely ever worked._

_Since I'm still on the subject of money, there's really no one else that has any great wealth that I would want anything to do with. I want someone who likes me and appreciates me for who I am, and for the most part, Jimmy's been those things and a whole lot more. I still, however, feel like part of him hates me, just because I'm from a family that makes quite a bit more money than Jimmy's. Even after my parents divorced several years ago, my mother's been able to connect with the movers and shakers…she works in the fashion industry at some stupidly high salary. That's why she involves me with so many activities—she has so much money she hasn't a clue what to do with it._

_I wish we were a little poorer…I really, seriously do. My mother would appreciate things if she actually had to work for it instead of doing nothing, and I wouldn't have to waste my time trying to prove to her how "great" I can be. I'm almost a teenager—I want to be one. I want to be able to go out with Jimmy and my friends whenever I wanted—have a ten thirty curfew like my other friends… I want to enjoy life._

_I'm a prisoner in my own house, especially when I'm grounded. "Cynthia, fix dinner for me—I'm too tired," "Cynthia, why didn't you try out for the academic challenge at school?" "Cynthia, you could have played that song better in the recital,"  
Cynthia, Cynthia, Cynthia! That's all it ever is around here!_

_What really bothers me is that my mother seriously hates how I look. Why, I don't know. I've done everything I could to meet my mother's standards of what an attractive girl should look like. I've practically starved myself to get as skinny as I am now. I wear makeup on occasion, fancy clothes during all of the fancy events my mother forces me to attend… What else do I need to do to make myself look pretty? _

_She really hates the fact that I'm a blonde, while she's dark brown. _

"_Blonde hair and green eyes? You might have been smarter than that Neutron boy if you would have been born a brunette. Blondes are always considered to be stereotypes—inferior, lazy, incompetent…" And it goes on and on from there._

_One time she went as far as to say I was ugly and that I'd never amount to anything because I didn't work hard enough. I remember running to Jimmy's lab in tears…He protectively wrapped his arms around me and told me I was the prettiest, smartest girl he's ever known…then he gave me a kiss that was deeper than any we had shared in the past few years we had been off and on dating (this took place before we were a couple). He nearly told me those three words I've still yet to hear out of his mouth…that is, until my mother angrily came onto Jimmy's view screen from inside of his house—she saw us cuddling on his couch which made her become even more ballistic. I was grounded for two weeks. I couldn't be mad at Jimmy or his mother for finding out about his lab…well…she didn't exactly figure out where it was, but I remember finding out a few weeks later from Jimmy that if she didn't show my mother where we were, she'd spread some horrible rumor about her to the whole neighborhood. _

But I was only a few months shy of my twelfth birthday about a year ago when that happened. He probably still wasn't ready. I can understand that.

_The more I think about Jimmy, the more I want him back… I suppose I'll call Libby while my mom's still out shopping—I think I might just be desperate enough to know more about her "plan."_


	5. NOTICE TO READERS

Many of you are probably wondering why I wrote a story as appalling at this sounds. I've been dealing with depression for several years now, and for the past few months I've been having it pretty rough.

Although I know from watching the show as many times as I have that Cindy doesn't normally act like this—I'm going on my own predictions as to how she would act if she was going through rough times, especially at home. The more I look at it now, I can see why the reviews are so few: It's depressing, disturbing, and not anything like what Jimmy Neutron fiction should be.

If there is a need for me to remove it or just leave it up where it is and just leave it, I can do so.

One of my good friends pointed all this out in my writing and I appreciate her comments. She is correct in saying that my voice is going into Cindy's…I think that is more than likely true now that I look at it.

I might not continue this, I might not, but I felt the need to make some justifications. Thanks for reading.


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